{"id":14024,"date":"2017-06-09T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-06-08T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.invinic.com\/glug-and-giggle-with-wine-jokes"},"modified":"2017-10-05T14:44:54","modified_gmt":"2017-10-05T12:44:54","slug":"glug-and-giggle-with-wine-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.invinic.com\/en\/glug-and-giggle-with-wine-jokes","title":{"rendered":"Glug and Giggle with Wine Jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ever noticed you laugh more after a drink? Not only does a little alcoholic lubrication of the funny bone put you in the mood for a good giggle, but the situations that occur around drinking are often quite ridiculous. So pour a glass. Here\u2019s some of the best humour around drinking and wine<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stand-up Comedians and Wine Jokes<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Not the Nine o\u2019Clock News<\/strong><\/p>\n

This sketch appeared on the show \u2018Not the Nine O\u2019Clock News\u2019 with the comedy legends Billy Connolly, Rowan Atkinson and Mel Smith in the sketch. In scruffy clothes, Billy and Rowan barge into a pub. Tension builds in the silence as the landlord, Mel, and Billy lock eyes.<\/p>\n

Billy: \u201cHey, you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mel: \u201cAlright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy: \u201cIs Jimmy \u2018Chainsaw\u2019 McFee in here tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mel: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy: \u201cWhat about Jock \u2018the Knee Cruncher\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mel: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy: \u201cWhat about \u2018Stick the Boot in His Head and Ask Questions Later\u2019 McDonald?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mel: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy: \u201c\u2018Hacksaw\u2019 Haggarty – the Hen Choker?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mel: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy breathes a sigh of relief and asks, \u201cCan I have a dry white wine please?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a man, and you want to drink dry white wine<\/strong><\/a>, that\u2019s perfectly fine. It\u2019s also acceptable to drink rose now<\/strong> – it\u2019s the law. In fact, try Tarima Rosado<\/a>. Robert Parker gave it 89 points<\/strong>. We won\u2019t tell Jock \u2018the Knee Cruncher\u2019 either.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Buy now.<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mitch Hedberg:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI saw this wino. He was eating grapes. So I was like \u2018Dude! You have to wait\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI like to drink red wine. This girl said [to me], \u2018Doesn\u2019t it give you a headache?\u2019. \u2018Yeah, eventually. But the first and middle part are amazing.\u2019 I\u2019m not going to stop doing something because of what happens at the end. \u2018Mitch – do you want an apple?\u2019 \u2018No, eventually it\u2019ll be a core\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

David Mitchell:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need a sommelier to recommend a bottle of wine to me. The wine list already tells you how good the wine is in money. \u201cOh look – that wine\u2019s \u00a330 good. I\u2019ll have that one please.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Grant Lyon:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI drove home drunk from a wine tasting, because there\u2019s something about wine tasting that makes you feel invincible. A cop pulled me over, and he was like \u2018Excuse me Sir, your breath smells like wine.\u2019 I was like \u2018No. It smells like cherry and a hint of oak. Swish me around…You\u2019ve got to let me breathe. Unlock the aroma.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Anonymous:<\/strong><\/p>\n

No – these aren\u2019t from the internet hacking collective. Some unknown wit came up with them, and they\u2019ve since entered culture at large:<\/p>\n

1.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cA new study suggests that drinking wine prolongs your life. Looks like I\u2019m going to be immortal.\u201d<\/p>\n

2.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cIf I ever go missing, put my face on the side of a wine bottle so my friends will know to look for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

3.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

There are two steps to enjoying good wine.<\/p>\n

Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
\nIf it doesn\u2019t look like it\u2019s breathing, give it mouth to mouth.<\/p>\n

4.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wine does not make you fat. On the contrary, it makes you lean.<\/p>\n

5.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Did you know that drinking 2 to 3 glasses of wine per day reduces your chances of giving a shit?<\/p>\n

6.)<\/strong>
\n\u201cI told my wife that a husband is like fine wine. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.\u201d<\/p>\n

7.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to have a positive mental attitude. A pessimist will say \u2018My glass is half empty\u2019. An optimist will say \u2018My glass is half full.\u2019 But a realist will say \u2018My glass needs a refill.\u2019<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If You Liked These…<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You may want to read \u201812 Wine Puns to Use at Your Next Dinner Party<\/a>\u2019. They\u2019re also good for a private giggle with yourself.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[cta_generico id=2599]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ever noticed you laugh more after a drink? Not only does a little alcoholic lubrication of the funny bone put you in the mood for a good giggle, but the situations that occur around drinking are often quite ridiculous. So pour a glass. Here\u2019s some of the best humour around […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":16928,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[349],"tags":[492],"class_list":["post-14024","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-did-you-know","tag-wine-jokes"],"yoast_head":"\nGlug and Giggle with Wine Jokes | Blog INVINIC<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ever noticed you laugh more after a drink? 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